Friday, April 17, 2009

The Single Factor

I know that no one wants to be single. Even the ones who claim they do - it could just be me, but deep down, I believe in an underlaying yearning of being in a happy and healthy, satisfying relationship. There is no recipe; what I wrote doesn't apply only to women. I know men feel as though women claim to have it so much harder in the dating game, but I pass no judgement. These are simply my collected thoughts. They might come across as cynical, with a tint of dry humor and sarcasm. They are not meant to educate anyone in any way. But if they do, glad I could put it in such perspective.

I gracefully sip on my Pinot Grigio, turning to her wide-eyed as I adjust myself in the seat, barely containing my obvious excitement.

"So I met a guy last night."

There it was - the phrase of all phrases; the mother of exhilaration and unsurpassed projected romantic triumph. The idiom is known to hold the uncanny power to stir up the most preeminent of conversations between girlfriends. It would be rather pointless to dismiss the fact that 99.9% of the time, "girl talk" is in fact about MEN.

And there we were - blabbing away with enchanted euphoria. Sometimes the story unfortunately doesn't change; single woman meets new (hopefully and much preferably) single potential man, single woman likes new single potential man and single woman starts putting on different antics that fall nowhere far of DESPERATE-VILLE.

Perhaps I'm wrong. I'm wrong to judge and say that I've never been excited upon meeting a new guy. But it's precisely my hypocrisy and past further encounters that have made me feel the way I ultimately do. It's innate; the excitement and unknown of new beginnings, blossoming away in hope like spring's first daffodil.

After all... it might just be that last first kiss.

And this is how it all begins.

The idea behind initial enthusiasm is not for it to be diminished completely; how can any kind of connection spark up in the first place without the occasional butterfly in the stomach? And while we all acknowledge that it's all fine and dandy to feel, it is specifically essential to remember to also think.

So you met him and he seems great. Who are you kidding? He is phenomenal. I mean, he took you out. He picked you up and even PAID for dinner. And he didn't talk about his ex-girlfriends once. Nor did he ask you what kind of underwear you were wearing. I mean, this really means something. HE really REALLY is SOMETHING. Right?


The most common mistake single women make, upon meeting a guy and engaging in, what we like to refer to as "dating", is the fact that they offer entirely too much gratuitous credit to the man they potentially hold an interest in. Ladies, he is SUPPOSED to treat you nicely and be a gentleman, at least on the first date, for Pete's sake! So please, try and refrain, to the best of human abilities possible, from praising him as if he flew, wined and dined you on the Cote d'Azur (that's the French Riviera!) on your first date. (Yes, you would deserve that and yes, I'm fully aware of the chances of that ever happening on a first date; however, as far-fetched as it might be, the example hopefully created an effect and showed my point. Oh yeah, perhaps in such an extreme and rare occurrence, the man would then deserve some minor acclaim.)

That being the number one step on the desperate-tinted road of singledom, progression can be halted should the single woman simply choose to avoid the following:

Resist the urge to live in an illusion-induced cinematic world. No, you don't know if you will end up being together with this person or not, therefore try to not envision long-term. Think next date, not "when will we be moving in?" Do not practice the tonality of your first name and his last. Not even once and not even as a joke. Your thoughts are more potent than you might. . well, think.

The base of it all is expectation. The more you will expect, the harder it will be to find a level of happiness. And the harder it will be to find yourself happy, the easier it will be to follow a desperate path, in attempt to accept, if not embrace your single status.

Instead of focusing on what you're feeling deprived of, think of all the fun benefits being single can be. Rejoice in your power of choosing. You're worth it - worth to be chased and never chase. Celebrate your womanhood without thinking how nice it'd be to hear a man compliment you. If you believe it enough, you're bound to receive plenty of compliments on a night on the town anyways. The inner-workings of your mind will further be able to reflect on the outside through your words and actions; you'll go out and date a man whom you find dashing, but you'll remember to remain composed and open-minded. You'll maintain a magnificent, mysterious resilience that will toughen you and make every man swoon over and ultimately make you a TRUE great catch, minus the headaches and dramatic sprees.

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