Friday, April 17, 2009

Second Chances

In a world we believe that "first is best," I've often let my mind wonder about second chances. If only I could reach into the depths of people's minds and souls to find each individual's perspective.

The questions often remain the same, revolving around a certain time frame and situation. It's questions we constantly ask ourselves and desire the answers to yet are also deathly afraid of. Deathly afraid when faced to make a decision. To take the next step.

We are ever-changing. With each experience, the passing of time triggers a subconscious parallel between who we were and who we are about to be. In that moment, we are a transgression. A shifting module in the universe. We can carry on thinking that the impact of the change hasn't happened, as if we wait to graciously be walked across an invisible line that signifies what is taking place. But change is inevitable, no matter what - as we are never the same after it.

As life often throws at us unpleasant and uncertain events, we set in motion a chain of transgressions. We alter our mind, our heart and sometimes, our whole being, all at once. Our moods, our actions, our character, our habits are all products of the change we experience. The change is who we become. A lesson learned, perhaps, along with pain and stress that become our daily worst enemies. And most importantly, fear. The fear of losing control. The fear of being pained again.

Wherever the path past the pain takes us, that's where we find ourselves. Perhaps that's precisely also when we find ourselves. But in the process, if there is ever a time we look back and the circumstance calls for it, there is also a time to ask ourselves if we truly believe in second chances.

I've held my head up high and fiercely shook my head from left to right when asked that question. I've sworn that I've been hardened by the ways of the world, that with each transgression I have experienced, the stress and pain subsiding with time, I have never fully been able to let go of the fear - that of taking a whole new chance to begin with, let alone one a SECOND time around.

What I've often failed to realize is the other person's simultaneous change. As drastic as my own might have been and as much pain as it's brought about, I have taken the selfish stand - wallowing in my own doubts and fears, never asking myself the real root of the unfortunate event. While we can't sit and analyze each situation we find ourselves in, we can ask ourselves just who is truly worth that second chance.

Perhaps it lies in the genuine progress the changes have led to - for both individuals. Perhaps that second chance can become the missing building block in the foundation of the relationship.

Perhaps it's just a place we have to find in our hearts, where we can freely dig deeply without fear caving in on us.

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